Dear Sir or Madam:
I am a pretty easy-going guy. I don't get very upset very easily; really I don't. But when a person drives a truck - a truck! - into a prone cyclist on the road, I get a little upset. Especially when that cyclist is me.
On Saturday morning, you got into a truck. Then you clobbered me with your BikeClipper brand extended mirrors. Be aware that those things are dangerous. Example: On Saturday morning you got into a truck. Then you obliterated me with your mirror.
You might think, what's the big deal? If you think that, then you are a jerk. (Please note that I already think you're kind of a jerk.) Well, it was a big deal. The impact sent me and my bicycle into and over a curb. We both skidded on the pavement. You broke my bike and hurt me a little bit too.
I'm throwing around a lot of words like "You clobbered this," and "You obliterated that." It might sound a little bit like I am blaming you for the incident. Let me be perfectly clear on this: I am blaming you.
I found it to be an especially endearing touch when you sped away immediately following the impact. It's like you wanted to make sure I knew that you were a class act. Don't worry, fellow; I got the message.
You'd be relieved to know that I came out okay, except that I'm pretty sure you don't care whatsoever. I walked my bike to safety. I called for a ride home. Then, I even fixed the bike. Be aware that this does not absolve you of your status as a massive jerkwad.
Congratulations.
All my best regards,
The Cyclist that You Picked Off with Your Truck
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4 comments:
I would just like to point out that Grandma is probably reading this and panicking about your safety....
Aaron,
I'm sorry I hit you in my truck and then switched over to the station wagon very quickly when I came to pick you up. I have removed the extended mirrors and fastened them onto my lawnmower so I can check on the squirrels and other small rodents I run over when I mow. So sorry. (Incidently, I'm having rabbit for dinner tonight...do you like dark meat?)
Poor Aaron!
I hope you're okay. Everyone in Confermation and Jr. High Youth missed you.
This totally made me laugh and I made sure that I shared it with Cory. Sorry about your bike though!!! It of course wouldn't have been AS funny if you had been seriously injured :-)
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