The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork

Tonight, I finished my sixth book of 2010, The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, another work from famed leadership guru John Maxwell. I'm not entirely sure how one becomes a guru, although I do know that it doesn't sound like a bad gig. Maxwell talks continually about life in Atlanta, which sounds like a warm place. It's worth noting that before he attained his guru status, Maxwell was in ministry in Indiana, and it doesn't take a guru to figure out that the gentler climes of Atlanta might make for a better home.

17 Laws, like any business book, is full of valuable advice, but can easily be dated by the twists and turns of the particular businesses it chooses to study. In Good to Great, Jim Collins refers to Circuit City as one of his great companies only 24 months before it shuddered doors across the country. And in 17 Laws, Maxwell espouses the praises of one company that holds tightly to a rigid moral compass, and that company is, as you would have guessed, Enron.*

* Later, we're treated to the rhetorical question: What kind of people chose to go into leadership at Enron?

Anyway, all of this talk of the laws of teamwork made me think real hard about some of the best teams I've ever had the fortune to be a part of.

1. The HAKK Team: It's a church leadership team featuring Herb, Aaron, Karen, and Kim. We joined a dodgeball league this spring and finished 4-2 with a disappointing finish in the semi-finals against the staff of Barnes & Noble.

2. Aunt Jane's Pickles: My little league team in the 4th grade. I played first base and batted sixth. We were a good team because our two best pitchers had to shave.

3. This one time, Paul and I got on the same team at Ultimate Frisbee: He's fast, and no one realized that when we were choosing teams. I'm tall, and apparently, no one realized that when we were picking teams either.

4. 2002 Cory Bretz Flag Football: We finished 9-1 in the regular season and lost in the championship game, but we smoked the cigars anyway.

5. 1909 Chicago Cubs: Talk about being a day late and a dollar short.

More Fun With Google Analytics

In the 15 months that the drawing board has been around, about 900 different people have come here from search engines using 300 different search terms. Turns out there's a bunch of roads that lead here.* Here are the most popular ones.**

* Highway to Helman?  Anyone?

** Jeff Lynne was the lead singer for ELO and also a member of the Travelling Wilburys. This will be important later.

1. Aaron Helman

Something like 250 people have Googled my name. It'd be an honor if it wasn't so creepy.

3. Gladiator Names

Another 90 people wound up here because they were looking for information about American Gladiators. This is the most traffic-inducing post I've ever written. Yikes.

5. Ferret in a Sweater

Just so I can show a picture.

10. Bono d-bag

Turns out there are a lot who don't love U2. All of this because of a comment Tony left here last December.

32. Aaron Helman needs to die

I've been ignoring this one since last November...

37. I love Aaron Helman

...and focusing on this one instead.

61. Beautiful Church Sign

Someone searched for that and Google mislead them. Horribly.

78. Are dogs fast?

Yes they are.

112. Can the Cubs actually kill me prematurely?

113. Why do the Cubs do this to me every freaking year?

114. This all Jeff Lynne's fault.

These are all right in a row. I like to imagine they're related.

151. Drew Carey sucks

Affirmative.

188. Aaron ate pancakes

Yes. Yes I did.

210. Someone stop Wisconsin from hiring snipers

I'm not sure I'm the man for the job.

270. now, i'm going to do something i like to call the 'compliment sandwhich" where i say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good

Why?

300. Remember when Mr. Gamble flipped out?

Yes. Yes I do.

The Kindness of Strangers

I wrote a few days ago about my uncanny ability to make friends out of strangers. It's a good skill to have in that moment of the transformation. After all; most people leave a place and have only a fleeting familiarity with a few faces. I like to know the names and stories behind the faces. That's because most people are interesting if you give them a chance to be interesting.

But there's something else great about my social prowess.* It means that if I spend enough time in one area, I'm bound to start knowing the people around me. I don't see as many strangers waiting to become friends. I start seeing friends who were once - only briefly - strangers.

*It feels weird to call it social prowess. Prowess sounds like the word prowl, and that sounds like a thing creepy dudes do. I'm not a creepy dude, am I? (I might be.)

Tonight, I cruised into downtown South Bend and stopped for a Mocha Dark at the South Bend Chocolate Cafe.* I locked up the bike, popped in the headphones, and strolled around the city, imagining myself to be more of a stud than I am. It was a perfect night for the thing, and seemed like an appropriate way to celebrate the Cubs' ninth inning win over the White Sox. (Yes, I did have to squeeze that in somehow.)

*Fact: South Bend does the best chocolate in the United States. I'm leaving for New Mexico in something like six weeks and I can say that I will miss South Bend Chocolate and Traders Point Creamery very much. I wonder if either would sponsor a cyclist.

While I was at the cafe, I recognized a man that I met once. My friend Cory got married in June 2005. I was his best man, and his uncle was one of the groomsmen. The primary thrust of this paragraph is that I recognized Cory's uncle. We spoke for a minute; then I got ready to go on my way.

--

I was fifteen feet away from my bike when it happened. The tire exploded with a kind of -BOOM!- then a slow and depressing -sssssss- sound. It was locked up on the fence that surrounded the outdoor cafe and I am certain that each of the patrons heard the thing go. If they didn't notice the sound, they certainly heard my droning cry of "Ohhh no!"

People reacted with an uncommon level of concern, offering whatever help they could. But in the end, it was Cory's uncle - a man I'd met once - who came to the rescue. He offered me a ride home, which I accepted readily. He, his wife, and his son* helped me load up my bike and drove me to safety. It's the kind of thing that Paul and I will almost require of those around us as we travel to Minnesota and then to New Mexico.

*Cute wedding story, and I hate cute wedding stories. During Cory & Beth's wedding, the flower girl stubbornly refused to sprinkle the flowers as she walked the aisle. Cory's nephew - who was the ringbearer - confronted her later; asking, "Why didn't you do your job?" Her response? "Oh. I didn't want to make a mess."

The moral of the story is this. Most people are good people, as long as you give them the opportunity to be. But get to know a person, even just a little bit; and they become a little bit gooder.

--

You may have noticed that I didn't mention Cory's uncle by name. That's because I'm horrible with names. I am good at meeting people and remembering every circumstance surrounding the time we met, then I crap on their name. So no, I didn't remember his name.

However, I did leave him with the address of this blog, so there's a real good chance that he's reading this right now, realizing that I never had an idea of his name. This ruins any chance I had of faking it for the rest of my life.

I did do some research. Dean & Donna. The name of their son? No idea.

Thanks Dean, Donna, and son. It's people like you that make my adventures possible.

--
Updated: Their son's name is Benjamin. Thanks again to the three of you!

For My Cousin Dan...

...and my parents and grandma and sister. The rest of you don't really care about the Cubs. But this is pretty awesome:

Five Things I Want My Kids to Know

Almost a month ago, my cousins Dan & Nancy tagged me. It took me awhile to write this post because I spent a lot of time really thinking about it (read: I am lazy).

I'm supposed to be writing about the five things that I want my kids to know. Of course, I don't have any kids (as far as you know), so I'm going to have to live a little vicariously through others.

1. I want my kids to know how to create their own happy life. I could do everything for Aaron Jr. until he turns 18, but I won't.

2. I want my kids to know what I believe about the Judeo-Christian God. Then I want them to be smart and open to choose for themselves. It'll be my job to be an example of what Christianity is.

3. I want my kids to know more than I do. However, I don't want them to realize this.

4. I want my kids to know that I'll always be there, and that old dad won't act off the cuff or overreact to any situation.

5. I want my kids to know that the Chicago Cubs are the only baseball team worth rooting for. I also want them to know a world where the Cubs win stuff.

Now, I Am REALLY Disillusioned

This is a post about the Chicago Cubs. You don't have to read it.

I grew up watching the Chicago Cubs on WGN. I grew up with Harry Caray and Steve Stone. Sometime after he stopped making sense to people, Harry died. WGN replaced him with his grandson - Chip Caray. So for the first 20 years of my life, there was one constant - Steve Stone would provide color commentary for Cubs games. No matter what happened, I could count on that. Except on Jewish holidays. Steve took Jewish holidays off.

Some things happened a few years ago, and now Mr. Stone is the radio announcer for the Chicago White Sox. I heard him today, encouraging people to join the official White Sox fan club.

I would have been less mortified if Big Bird told me to smoke crack.

Let's not Talk about the Cubs

I think the worst part about this most unfortunate turn of events is that I know exactly who is to blame for the Cubs' playoff demise.

It's me.

For my birthday, I received a Chicago Cubs themed rubix cube. When I got the cube, the Cubs were winning, but once I messed it up and started playing with it, they started losing. They lost that night and the next. In fact, from the moment I got the cube, they went a less-than-stellar 2-6. Fortunately, somebody somewhere must have royally botched a Milwaukee Brewers cube.

Now that this is all over, it's time to look forward to Notre Dame football.

Ick.

The Cubs are Killing Me

Can anyone tell me why Lou Piniella would take Carlos Zambrano out of the game at 85 pitches? Dude can throw 130 at a clip and be okay. I just don't get it.

That is all.

--
Updated: I'm not buying the "we needed him" for game four story. A win in game one has precisely the same value as a win in game four. I like the Cubs tonight though. Beyond Brandon Webb, the D-Backs starting pitching is more shallow than the Real World on MTV.

Updated again: Glad they saved him for game four. The D-Backs are screwed in that one.